★Samuel K★

ATTENTION EVERYONE

I am switching journals to one I created to maintain a community I ended up dropping out of and not maintaining. I might start maintaining that community again, sorry, I'm off subject, but here we go!

Update your Flist to show me at samu3lk from now on because that's where I'm updating. Comment here if you want me to add you thank you and good night.

Friends, gather round.
Alanna left me.

She's moving out soon.

It's been nearly a week and I've been at a loss as far as what I'm going to do with myself.

She says we might get back together if things get better, but I'm tired of waiting for what I want.

For the first time in a really long time, I really and truly hate myself. It's such a familiar feeling and it's kind of chilling how it just slipped back into place, like it never even really left.

It's not been too bad, though. My mother lets me know she cares, even though I don't let her know how bad I feel.

I tell Roy everything, and he's really been opening up to me lately, too. I love him for it more than I ever have. He really does shit gold. He's the only person who hasn't ever really let me down. He's the only person who's never hurt me beyond disappointing me, and everybody does that. For every time I get frustrated with him, there are ten more when I have one of those sobering, chilling realizations that he's perfect for me in every way, and I love him for it. He's my brother.

It's all about to change.

I'm making a decision that is going to change my life for the better.

I'll tell more about it soon, but for now I'm going to work on this by myself.

It's the most important thing I've ever considered in my entire life, but I think it's what I need.

I'm more determined to reach this goal than I have ever been about anything, and I'll stop at nothing to make sure I get it.

Just see if I don't.

POST YOUR GAMERTAG SO WE CAN PLAY TOGETHER ON TUESDAY FRIENDS LIST OKAY

( 2007 Bullshit )

Fig and Bend are at my house. I love them both.

Last night I was playing Halo 360 Live 3 and every time I would 1) kill somebody or 2) die, I'd growl into my microphone "BOOONESAAW IS READ-EEEEE"

I got a really sore throat.

Help me.

Oh my God help me!

JESUS HELP ME!!

It's started again...

The other day, on a whim, I signed up for XBox Live again. I spent 40 dollars on two three-month subscriptions.

I'm kinda pissed I didn't spend 50 on a year, but at the time I just DIDN'T KNOW.

I didn't know I'd get sucked in again.

I really haven't played XBox Live since December of 2005. Jesus Christ, I totally forgot I sucked at Halo. I thought I was big fucking shit because Royal and I play and I always just cream Roy when we're playing Halo.

I am doing no creaming now.

Actually, I'm doing really well. I've been ranking up with their new MILITARY SYSTEM, and I don't think I've played a Slayer match where I finished lower than third. I've found I work best with sticking people with grenades and also with shotguns. Maulers work, too. Anybody on my list on XBox Live can add me. My Gamerfag is Samu3l K.

My favorite thing to do is talk trash, but talk really bad trash. Especially when I'm just flatout lying.

"You guys ever see the XBox 360 Live Leaderboards? I'm like number four on the overall gamerpoints. Plus I'm #3 in the worldwide Halo League."

"Are you guys ready to die over and over again? Because you're going to die over and over again when I kill you over and over again."

Earlier, I had THIS conversation:

SOME GUY I WAS PLAYING AGAINST: "OOOH Killing Spree!"
ME: "Yeah, good job. Too bad you've never gotten a girlfriend spree."
GUY: "I've had like five, faggot."
ME: "Porn and your fingers do not count!"

Then some British guys were like "You'll get minge one day, mate, pip pip cheerio good day wot wot" and so I totally just ripped them a new one and won the match by like 6 kills and then had Alanna say into the microphone that she was my girlfriend and she was sitting right there watching me play and then I said "I WILL GET MINGE ONE DAY AND THAT ONE DAY IS TODAY HA HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA" then I signed off and went to work.

Man, fucking with people on Halo is so damn fun. That was just stuff I did today. Earlier in the week Roy came over and we played together and Roy and I just fuel each other when we're being assholes. We laid the microphone on Roy's iPhone and played "My Heart Will Go On" on repeat while we were playing Slayer. Then I played a match where I just sang "Prince Ali" from Aladdin at top volume.

Good tiiimes on Halo Live.

Some quizzes I stole out of my OLD JOURNAL ENTRIES HA HA HA

( SINS )

I don't think it's any secret to any of you at this point, but I'm a pretty big nerd. I like Star Wars and comic books and video games and all that nonsense. I'm fat and kinda dopey looking and I'm just a little bit awkward. I make a spectacle of myself in public from time to time simply because I don't know how to filter myself.

That being said, I think I may very well be the Nerd King because I've accomplished more as a nerd than most. Despite the fact that I'm such a pariah to society, I've somehow managed to land a full-time job, a decent social life, and a great girlfriend.

Yesterday may be the best example of my life as a nerd. Here's an itemized, chronological list of the events that took place between the time I got up and the time I went to bed yesterday with timestamps of the times I remember, or just approximations.

1: (1040) Woke up to my girlfriend kissing me and asking me to take her to work. I get up, get dressed, and drop her off.

2: (1048) Arrive at home and take a shit and a shower.

3: (1130) Get out of shower and decide to play XBox Live. XBox won't sign on to the Internet. I slowly come to realize by way of checking both computers, the Wii, the router, and the modem that the Internet is down. I decide to go about my day and get the other things I needed to do over with.

4: (1145) Arrive at Wal Mart with the intent of buying new socks. I realize that 11:30 on a Saturday might be the worst time in history to ever go to Wal Mart because the parking lot is a total clusterfuck of stupid people with full carts. I go to K-Mart across the street and realize socks cost nearly twice as much as they do at Wal Mart. I get frustrated and leave, but on the way to the door I spot a set of Star Wars coffee mugs that I have to have because I want to drink coffee out of Darth Vader.

5: (1210) Arrive at the Dragon 2000 China Buffet. Eat lunch.

6: (1230) Go home and realize the Internet is still out. I call the cable company and bitch them out until they fix it. There was a mixup with our bill. Everything is right in the world.

7: (1245) Play Halo 3 on XBox Live.

8: (1500) Call Roy and talk to him on speakerphone while I'm playing Halo 3 on XBox Live.

9: (1615) There's a knock at the door. I tell them to come in and play Halo 3 on XBox Live while I talk to my crazy neighbor about how she's been feeding my dog spaghetti.

10: (1630) Ditch crazy neighbor and go to my cousin's to retrieve my girlfriend's Christmas present (I had it delivered there because if she saw the company I ordered it from, she'd know what it was) and to see my cousin and the baby. There I recieve a phone call from Roy informing me that he's on his way to my house. I leave and meet Roy there.

11: (1645) Roy and I sit in my living room and play Halo 3 on XBox Live.

12: (1700) Roy and I pick Alanna up from work and begin arguing about where to go and eat.

13: (1715) Alanna is changing out of her work uniform as Roy and I play Halo 3 on XBox Live and argue about where to go eat.

15: (1745) We decide on the Dragon 2000 China Buffet and go to eat.

16: (1845) We finish eating and decide to go to Wal Mart because I still need socks and Alanna wants taffy and Roy is out of bullets.

17: (1900) At Wal Mart we get a 10-pack of socks, a bag of Twizzlers, a big box of Laffy Taffy, and 200 9mm shells for Roy's handgun.

18: (1945) Arrive at home where Mom is eating steak. We watch the end of an episode of Project Runway and then Mom goes to her room. Roy and I then play Halo 3 on XBox Live while Alanna either watches or messes around on Mom's computer. As we play, Roy and I eat nearly the entire bag of Twizzlers, a pot of coffee, and Roy consumes a glass of rum.

19: (2330) Alanna reminds me that we have laundry over at my grandma's that we need to pick up. Roy and I are in the middle of a huge Territories battle in Halo 3 on XBox Live. We finish the battle and say our goodbyes. Alanna and I go to Grandma's.

20: (2345) Arrive at Grandma Pat's house. We watch the last 10 minutes or so of Casablanca with her. I realize that I've seen Casablanca more times than most people my age have seen like Jackass 2 or Dude, Where's My Car? and I feel proud.

21: (0000) Pack up laundry and go home.

22: (0010) Alanna and I get ready for bed.

23: (0030) Alanna and I go to my mom's basement (where I live) into the tent I built down there, and go to bed.

24: (0040) Didn't actually go to sleep if you know what I mean.

25: (0125) We finally decide to go to sleep, thereby ending a day where I play XBox Live for approximately 10 hours, ate Chinese food for two meals, ate half of a bag of candy, and had sex with a girl. And that is something NO NERD HAS EVER DONE IN ONE DAY'S TIME PROVE ME WRONG!!

Okay, guys. Super Mario Galaxy is a life-changing experience and it may very well be the best game ever made, okay?

Okay.

I'm glad we're seeing eye to eye.

My dad told me a story about a man named Sal. I think it might be the funniest thing my father has ever told me. He said he read it in a Penthouse magazine before I was born. This woman wrote in to talk about her boyfriend Sal and his weird dominance obsession. Whenever she was naughty, Sal would stick a cold carrot up his girlfriend's butt.

STICK

A

COLD

CARROT

UP

HER

BUTT!

I seriously was laughing my ass off for like five minutes.

Dad told me to mention it to my mother. Keep in mind, he read this before I was born, so it was at the very least 21 years ago, probably more like 25 or so.

So anyway, I go home and say to Mom: "Mom, what does Sal do to his girlfriend when she misbehaves?"

Without missing a beat my mother said "Oh my God... Jesus Christ, Sam! How did--"

Needless to say she was very embarassed.

In other news, I've recently taken to drinking Earl Grey tea. It's absolutely delicious. The first couple cups I had of it, I didn't really like all that much. But I fought through it because drinking Earl Grey makes me feel cool. This is mainly because Captain Picard drinks Earl Grey, and if it's cool for Picard to drink it, then it's cool for me to drink it. The problem I'm running into today is before I came to work I grabbed what I THOUGHT were two bags of Earl Grey, when in fact it was a bag of Earl Grey and a bag of VANILLA CHAI.

If somebody comes up to me and says "What are you drinking?" there is no way I'm saying "Vanilla chai tea."

I'll lie and say it's Earl Grey.

Also: Chai tea, tai-chi.

Is there a connection?

God I hope not.

Also, at http://www.samu3lk.com I have posted some of my drawings that are all Mario-Related. I'm doing a new one every day until I beat Mario Galaxy.

Jesus Christ, this Writers' Strike is pissing me off.

You are all a bunch of pussies! Do you know how bad I want to be a writer for television? Fuck the pay and benefits. At least you're being recognized for your art. You're still making boatloads more money than I do, and you're DOING SOMETHING YOU LOVE, not sitting at some dead-end job trying to get enough money for college so you can become a Hollywood Writer.

Some people dream about being you. Quit bitching and start writing TV again.

Pussies.

Yesterday Alanna and I were brushing our teeth and she spit and wiped her mouth and there was something on her lip "You got some toothpaste on your lip," I said, and wiped it away, only to realize it was a booger.

"That's a booger," I said.

And then we both had a good laugh. I think she was really embarassed, but it cemented in my mind that it's love because I wasn't repulsed by having her booger on my finger. I was just amused.

It's the little things...

This morning I woke up and began PUKING OUT OF MY ASS.

If only I could puke out of my mouth... I think I'd feel a whole lot better.

But for now, I'm just having crippling stomach cramps.

YES!

It's true!

I've had a good day. It all started this afternoon when I got to work and checked my bingo numbers. Yes, I won. I won THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS!! So I'm trying to decide what I'm gonna do with my three hundred dollars. I'm thinking about buying a PSP, Metal Gear Portable Ops, and then paying the rest of it on my Circuit City credit card.

Or I may just use it to help erase some of my FABULOUS DEBTS.

Who knows!? There's a lot that can be done with three hundred dollars.

In the dark.

>:3

Then I was talking to Alanna on AIM and she told me Mom was taking her to a fabric store. That's when I got INSPIRED to start FREAKING THE HELL OUT and demanding things of my poor long-suffering mother. So I had Alanna tell my mom to get me one of those stupid craft kits that little kids get. Mom showed up with this box of these foam marshmallow things with little foam pieces you glue onto them. To make Halloweenie type munsters. Screw that! I've got an IMAGINATION to make things with!

I've made four things, but I'm saving ther est of my pieces for when I'm working overnight the next few days. I'll post pictures when I've used up all my pieces.

So that's basically it. I've got 300 dollars on the way and foam fuckin' marshmallows.

One of the things I say a lot is that I've never felt bad for anything I've ever said or done.

This is a generalization.

I was sitting here at work a second ago fiddle fucking around with my cell phone, trying to see what I could do about using .mp3 files as ringtones. It's my dream to one day have "Cops and Robbers" by Casey and His Brother as my ringtone. It turns out there's nothing I can do because I only have a micro-SD memory card and you need some sort of dumbass cord and a hack program to do it.

I then resolved to find something grossly inappropriate and use it as my wallpaper background. This is easily accomplished using my micro-SD by saving a picture to the my_pix folder on my micro-SD card and then simply setting it as a background in my phone using the normal method.

My laptop has a built in port for SD memory cards, and I popped my regular SD card out and put it in the case that houses the adapter for my micro-SD card. As i closed the case, I felt this twinge of guilt for some inexplicable reason. It took a second for me to realize why.

Two Christmasses ago, my mother got me small, fully digital, handheld camcorder. I forget the exact details, but I know it was a Panasonic. It seemed perfect. Everything was saved directly onto an SD memory card (which is what spawned this memory), it ran on AA batteries which were easily obtained and cheap, it took excellent quality still photos, and even the video looked sharp. I played around with the camera for a few hours that night, both at home and at my father's house, then I went to bed early on Christmas because I was taking a plane to Omaha, Nebraska to see my then-girlfriend.

In Omaha, I realized the limitations of using AA batteries in a camcorder. The battery life reduced the camera to near-unusable. I mean, the camera I have now has a shitty battery life. I can usually get an hour or two out of it. But this camera... I swear, it had battery life for maybe, MAYBE ten minutes. If even that long.

My then-girlfriend and I filmed a 2-minute short film, and it took us nearly three hours to shoot it because the batteries kept dying and we kept having to find more.

It was incredibly frustrating, but my mom was so proud of this gift she got me, and as far as she knew, I genuinely liked it. I mean, when I first got it, I was THRILLED. I'd been making short films by hauling my laptop around with me with a webcam attached to it. I was thrilled that making films was going to get easier for me, and based on my few minutes fooling around with the camera right after getting it, she came to believe that I loved it. I mean, you could tell how proud she was in her face when I was going on about how crisp the video was compared to my old webcam.

"That's fine," I said. "You've got a universal AC adapter. Just plug it in when you want to use it and stick with it until you can afford another camera."

So I got home and Mom asked me how I liked my camera. I told her it was fine, but the battery life kinda sucked. This is when she made me feel even worse. She started telling me how she's so glad I like my camera and how she really couldn't afford to buy it for me, but she saw it and thought it was perfect for me.

And, like an idiot, I told her the truth.

And I felt bad about it.

But she needed the money more than I needed a camera that didn't work, so we returned it and I kept apologizing because I really was sorry.

And now, years later, I'm sitting in my office, still feeling bad about it.

There are so many things I've done in my life that were bad or wrong or for the wrong reason. The only ones that ever really bother me or make me feel bad are when I hurt somebody I love in the process.

Especially when it's my mom.

And now comes a chorus of schoolchildren's sing-songy chats of "Sam loves his mommy! Saaam loves his MOOMMYYY!!" and kissie noises.

That was actually really hard for me to type out.

Anyway, I finally got my phone to display the picture I wanted for a wallpaper. It's a picture of the Green Goblin from an old Spider-Man comic book that reminded me of Xod when I saw it.

I miss Xod.

Earlier today I got lunch at Subway and saw the UGLIEST WOMAN IN HISTORY. Now, I mean this in exception to women with obvious deformities. This woman had everything you needed to have a face, but it was all in the wrong place. She was working the drive-thru. This is my story.

Her voice sounded very much like a group of geese were working together to form a sentence. It varied in pitch from syllable to syllable. "FIVE FORTY FROURR PLEASE"

My eyes fell upon a face. The first thing I noticed were her teeth, sticking out of a mouth that has probably never been completely closed. They were all there, but they were all kind of crammed in there, seemingly at random, three or four of them seemingly COMING OUT OF THE SAME HOLE. It gave the illusion that they were all trying to escape from her face.

And if I were one of her teeth, I too would be trying to escape that mess. Her eyes were pointing different directions and her chin was built directly into her neck, reminding me of a character from The Simpsons. What wasn't covered in acne was covered in freckles. And not cute ones, either. Big brown ones that may have been liver spots, but she wasn't old enough to have liver spots.

This all took me about two seconds to take in completely, whereupon I gasped quietly and handed over my debit card. Not so much to pay for my food, but more because I felt that if I offered something she'd go away.

Ugh. What an ugly woman.

Not as bad as the lady with Methmouth in Harold's who was wearing SHORT SHORTS and a SPORTS BRA and that was IT.

She smiled a toothless smile at me and my soul DIED.

OKAY! DONE!!!

So I've realized I haven't updated this motherfucker in SO LONG.

Even worse, I've stopped reading my friends page for MONTHS.

WHAT THE HELL!!

I feel ashamed and I throw myself on your mercies. Or your collective mercy if you all want to share one. I've been sitting here in my office at work ignoring my duties and reading LiveJournal entries. I can only go back 125.

The reason I want to update my LiveJournal is I never talk about my life on my other blog. It's all just thoughts I have with bits of my life, and really, I want to talk about my life.

It's going really well, by the way, for those of you who don't know.

Alanna and I are living together now. She's this big-eyed girl I've known for a long time and we're BOYFRIEND and GIRLFRIEND and that's really swell.

Um, anyway, what was I saying?

So this might be updated daily. I don't know. Here's what I do know: I hate my job. I'm at work right now and I hate it.

Here are sixty honest answers that I stole from Lauren:

( TRUMP TRUMP BRAP BRAP )

There's that.

Plans tonight include kicking Alanna off the PS2 so I can play Half-Life, eating a whole loaf of bread, and then playing more Half-Life.

THE END

So here's more crap that doesn't belong on http://www.samu3lk.com

I went out to have a few drinks tonight. I didn't drink much. I had a shot
that ended up being a mixed drink because it had like five different types of
alcohol in it. I had a whiskey sour. Then I had a shot of Doc's. So that's not
enough to get drunk. I drove home just fine.

So I'm sitting on the toilet in the bathroom, pooping if you must know, and I
was thinking "Man, I can't believe I don't feel any effects of the alcohol at
all."

Right after I think that, I get a tingle in my nose. I'm going to sneeze. I
think "I am going to sneeze. I need to do something about this."

So I continued reading the book I was reading as I was pooping.

Then I sneezed all over my shirt.

ALCOHOL SLOWS YOUR REACTION TIMES! This is a public service announcement from
Samuel K! Do not drink whiskey and then poop because you will
sneeze on your SHIRT MAN!!

Furthermore, I suppose I could start writing about more personal things here,
since my blog on <A href="http://www.samu3lk.com">http://www.samu3lk.com</A>
doesn't have much personal stuff on it. It's mostly just drawings and writing
and crap.

I love my friend Alanna and she loves me. We're not anything official yet,
except we made up our own terms for what we are. We are Almost Boyfriend and
Girlfriend. This is because we're not actually going to be dating until we're
both living in Florida, which is coming up toward the end of this year.

So it's totally official. I have an Almost Girlfriend that I think is pretty
swell.

She got big eyes!
<P></P>JEEPERS CREEPERS

WHEREDJAGET THOSE PEEEPERS

JEEPERS CREEPERS
<P>WHERED YA GET THOSE EEEEEYS!

Oh hey! The wind's picking up!

It's time for me to <FONT size=6>GOOOOOO</FONT><FONT
size=4>OOOOOOOOOO</FONT><FONT size=2>OOOOOO</FONT><FONT
size=1>OOOO</FONT><FONT
size=1>OOOOooooooo....</FONT></P>

So here's more crap that doesn't belong on http://www.samu3lk.com

I went out to have a few drinks tonight. I didn't drink much. I had a shot
that ended up being a mixed drink because it had like five different types of
alcohol in it. I had a whiskey sour. Then I had a shot of Doc's. So that's not
enough to get drunk. I drove home just fine.

So I'm sitting on the toilet in the bathroom, pooping if you must know, and I
was thinking "Man, I can't believe I don't feel any effects of the alcohol at
all."

Right after I think that, I get a tingle in my nose. I'm going to sneeze. I
think "I am going to sneeze. I need to do something about this."

So I continued reading the book I was reading as I was pooping.

Then I sneezed all over my shirt.

ALCOHOL SLOWS YOUR REACTION TIMES! This is a public service announcement from
Samuel K! Do not drink whiskey&nbsp;and then&nbsp;poop because you will
sneeze on your SHIRT MAN!!

Furthermore, I suppose I could start writing about more personal things here,
since my blog on <A href="http://www.samu3lk.com">http://www.samu3lk.com</A>
doesn't have much personal stuff on it. It's mostly just drawings and writing
and crap.

I love my friend Alanna and she loves me. We're not anything official yet,
except we made up our own terms for what we are. We are Almost Boyfriend and
Girlfriend. This is because we're not actually going to be dating until we're
both living in Florida, which is coming up toward the end of this year.

So it's totally official. I have an Almost Girlfriend that I think is pretty
swell.

She got big eyes!
<P></P>JEEPERS CREEPERS

WHEREDJAGET THOSE PEEEPERS

JEEPERS CREEPERS
<P>WHERED YA GET THOSE EEEEEYS!

Oh hey! The wind's picking up!

It's time for me to <FONT size=6>GOOOOOO</FONT><FONT
size=4>OOOOOOOOOO</FONT><FONT size=2>OOOOOO</FONT><FONT
size=1>OOOO</FONT><FONT
size=1>OOOOooooooo....</FONT></P>

Hey, it's me on my LiveJournal again. It's been a long time.

Just posting to remind everybody that my blog is now at http://www.samu3lk.com and this one is only updated with crap I don't want on my domain.

Here's a quiz I found on Alanna's MySpace:

( Read more... )

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed
With a word she can get what she came for

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
And you know sometimes words have two meanings
In the tree by the brook there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's buying a stairway to heaven

And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forest will echo with laughter

And it makes me wonder

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May Queen

Yes there are two paths you can go by
but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on

Your head is humming and it won't go because you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him
Dear lady can't you hear the wind blow and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our souls
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed
With a word she can get what she came for

And she's buying a stairway to heaven, uh uh uh.

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But february made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

So bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Did you write the book of love,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock ’n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in love with him
`cause I saw you dancin’ in the gym.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.

I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died.

I started singin’,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin’ stone,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When the jester sang for the king and queen,
In a coat he borrowed from james dean
And a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The jester stole his thorny crown.
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned.
And while lennon read a book of marx,
The quartet practiced in the park,
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died.

We were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Helter skelter in a summer swelter.
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter,
Eight miles high and falling fast.
It landed foul on the grass.
The players tried for a forward pass,
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune.
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
`cause the players tried to take the field;
The marching band refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?

We started singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the devil’s only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that satan’s spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where I’d heard the music years before,
But the man there said the music wouldn’t play.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

And they were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

They were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die."

Night falls,
And Im awake in my sleep
Hot summer air blows balloons in my sleep
Ding dong! rings the bell
Theres something at the door so I put on
My slippers and I creep across the floor
From the door I hear hence
Another ding dong!
I peek through the doorhole,
But somethings very wrong
For on my porch are thousands of snakes,
Waiting to stirke I feel sick and my knees start to shake

I see no escape
From my paralous fate
As the serpents they siege to my country estate
The devil has opened up hells gate and made millions of snakes

(chorus)
Big ones, little ones, fat ones, skinny ones
Protect my from, their venemous drugs
That spring from their fangs and its obivous Ive been
Attacked by snakes
By snakes!

So many snakes you could fill the great lakes
With snakes ha ha ha!
I run, try to hide
But snakebites on my face testify Ive been
Attacked by snakes
By snakes!

So many snakes it would take
A thousand crates to contain the snakes,
After me
Id rather be burned at the stake then be
Attacked by snakes
By snakes!

Dreadful Monkey: ....or that one time when my roommate and her boyfriend were going at it, I hate sharing a room
sA m U3 lk: I'm telling you, crawling into bed with them will stop that shit quick.
Dreadful Monkey: hahaha
Dreadful Monkey: I mean
Dreadful Monkey: wouldnt you at least WARN someone before you start at it
Dreadful Monkey: I was sitting out here on the computer, watching a movie, and I hear *squeaksqueakSQUEAKSQUEEEEEEAAAKKKmoan*
sA m U3 lk: I always warn who I'm about to have sex with.
Dreadful Monkey: hahahah
Dreadful Monkey: thats a good one
sA m U3 lk: That way I don't rape them by accident.

And you all thought I forgot about my LJ. I'll post stuff here that's too shameful for Samu3lk.com, and stuff I don't want my mom to see. :O